Soul Dose

Last night was not a good night for me, I had a lot on my mind and pains on my body, not a good combination. I couldn't sleep till shortly after 3am and when I started feeling  sleepy I did  a little mental victory dance as I closed my eyes and drifted off to the land of sweet dreams (some funny, others scary, others weird... I enjoy weird ones).

I woke up soon after and saw that not only was on the floor but I was also wet. My brother was standing over me blowing air in my direction with a chopping board, mom was talking to dad on the phone, my sister who works nights this week was still at work, my gran was in the corner praying and II was on the floor thinking why am I wet...... He helped me till I was feeling okay, then he went to sit in the living room while gran helped e change my wet clothes. When we were done my brother picked me up and put me back to the bed and went to his room to go back to his own sweet dream land.

My cold packs needed to be change and my good hearted gran went to the kitchen to get new ones while mom told dad all was okay so he could get his own sleep. Let me tell you about the cold packs: As you know my left side is the most affected side and in the case of my leg it's really frustrating. It's like it's burning, the feeling deep inside feels like it's on fire and it is SO painful I hate it. The doctor checked and checked what could be causing it but we found nothing, I couldn't sleep at all and the leg was swelling up and needed to be cooled down, so we were given these cold/ice packs that we keep in the freezer and I take two, wrap them in  a thin towel to avoid frost bites and place them under my leg right in the knee area. I place a pillow first, then the Ice pack and then my legs, or rather the left leg on the pack, the right leg is a lot better. I keep the burning feeling controlled like thhat. It doesn't go away but it gets a lot better and I have been using this thing all day everyday since 2005.

After the packs were changed gran came back to tell me why I woke up wet. She said I had fallen asleep and next thing she saw me shaking uncontrollably and then got thrown off the bed and on to the floor where I continued shaking violently till she called my brother. He did what they always do but realized my pulse was barely there, I was foaming in the mouth by the time he got in my room and soon stopped breathing. He tried to wake me up, splashed water on me, gave me extra air and CPR till I started breathing again, that's when I soon opened my eyes and saw I was wet. It took some time to get me to  normal before he put me back to the bed.

When I heard all this I cried, I couldn't imagine how it's like for them to watch me stop breathing in front of their eyes, I also cried because it's a terrible thing that keeps happening to me and it's painful. I pray everyday for an answer, a little light. I thank God my gran was there when it happened and woke up my brother, I thank God for all of them.

Tonight my prayer is simply "Lord help me through this journey, show someone an answer, amen"