Soul Dose

I’ve wanted to write this post for some time but always got sidetracked to had such a bad day the laptop stayed far away, yeah those days are usually filled with a lot of vomiting and so much shaking and getting thrown off the bed  I protect my laptop by keeping it at a distance…. I love it too  much and I’ll tell you my laptop story after this one, after reading it you will agree I’m truly God’s favorite child.

What happens in my day? What do I eat? What do I drink? What medication  do I use? This post is about that, please don’t feel sorry for me after reading it, I’m fine, I’m okay and am making peace with things on a daily basis. It’s not an easy journey but like every card it has too be played and I’m playing it. I have the best support system that keeps growing each day. I write here and gain supportive people who are so kind and amazing… I’m thankful and grateful.

What Happens In My Day?

I cough and cough and shake till I calm down and realize oh wow I’m not on my bed I’m on the floor. Someone helps me back to the bed, they help me raise my pillows and stack them, they put towels at the bottom to support my back and them put little old me. Then I get my ice packs changed, I get my hot pressure bottle changed (I use it to keep a part of my stomach pressed and hot, otherwise you don’t wanna know), I stay in bed, maybe watch TV, maybe open the laptop or whatever comes to mind. Then few minutes later I start gasping for air, I gasp and gasp, then I get this head shock thing, I start shaking and maybe even foaming in the mouth and all this is happening while I’m conscious.

I keep shaking and getting hit square in the face by my out of control knee till maybe I fall off the bed and stop breathing all together, or I stop breathing while still on the bed…. After that I hear and see nothing, I feel nothing till I’m helped with oxygen and resume breathing again. Hat I do know is I start coughing and coughing till I start hearing and feeling pain, I feel this burning sensation in my chest and my head feels like it’s ready to explode. I wake up and they help straighten me back into my bed, when I take a few minutes to fully focus.

I make a few lousy jokes just to show them I’m fine, they go back to whatever they were doing and minutes later, maybe 30 minutes later it hits me again, other times it’s so bad I get blood in my mouth and other times my nose starts bleeding, but other times it isn’t so bad, I only shake and faint. This is a daily struggle and goes on non-stop till the next day and the next day and so on. My family take turns because there’s no way my not being able to sleep will keep everyone from sleeping.

What Do I Eat?/ What Do I Eat?

This is an excellent question, what do I eat? The answer is nothing. I’m sure you don’t buy that and believe me when I first woke up I didn’t buy it either and I’ve spent months trying to eat everything I can get my hands on, trying to drink every supplement but I can’t, I simply can’t……. How did this start? Well when I first got ill and it was getting serious I could eat, then it started the vomiting. I’d eat maybe porridge and wouldn’t be able to swallow it, nothing would go down my throat and at some point even water refused. It became a matter of “One second in the mouth and I’d start gagging like there was no tomorrow”. My family tells me there was a time where I went without anything in my stomach for 80 days or so, nothing at all would even go down and my nurse aunt decided to help me by giving my the hospital drips, or I believe they’re called I V’s in other countries.

She’s put me on  it maybe once a week till one day Mom Ndu tried to give me water like she had done everyday and on that day I was able to swallow. Then we started trying medication, pills, food and soft foods but still nothing, only water would go down in very small quantities and then after over a year II was able to  drink Tropika juice, the mango and peach flavor….. It’s been years and even though I still try daily I’m still not able to swallow anything except water and that juice.

What Medication Do I Take?

First we’ve tried supplements so I can have energy and stuff, we’ve tried vitamins and tried pain killers but I can’t take anything. This is the hardest thing  about  my life, daily being in agony and not being able to take even a pain killer. I can’t swallow these thing or anything else and when something tries to go down my throat I start vomiting and I don’t stop till I vomit blood or pass out… And the process isn’t a walk in the park, it is painful and exhausting, it leaves me feeling tired and in a lot of pain for hours.

My beautiful stranger introduced me to codeine phosphate and though I try to take it I still throw up.. I try to mix things in my juice but throw up, I try to crush pills but again throw up.

I know this might sound untrue but we have really tried it all, we’ve tried our best and it kills me when I hear my mother says something like “I wish I could absorb your illness and be the one suffering so you can have a normal life and go to school and work like people your age” or saying something like “If I were asked to die so you could get your life back I’d do it In an instant”

Things That Have Changed.

I used to be fine with smells, I have no problems but a few years ago I started getting negatively affected by them. An Example: If someone sprayed perfume in the house I start vomiting, if I’m out of the house and smell cigarette smoke I vomit and faint. Hospital smells are hard on me, body lotion smells, and for the big one, I can’t stand the smell of food so much that my family has started cooking in the outside room. If I smell food being cooked I gasp for air and vomit and end up with a nosebleed flat on the floor unable to breath…………… I know this sounds hard to believe but it’s all true…………. Any kind of smell is a no no for me and that makes life very hard on everyone around me. I hate this because it doesn’t only inconvenience me but all those around me and I feel guilty and I feel really bad.

This post was made because this is how I live, this is what my life has become and not writing this post would’ve meant not being entirely honest. I want this journey to be as open and as honest as possible.