Soul Dose
My struggle with illness And .... Journey into healing.
Blog
I'm Angry And Disappointed
| Posted on December 5, 2009 at 5:41 PM |
I slept a lot today, I got hurt emotionally and spent hours trying to forget but couldn’t, so I pulled up my covers and slept… I’m not good at crying, yes I know crying sometimes helps in relieving the pain but when I was young and was going through the experience that I went through I told myself no more crying, now I’m older and I do cry but not as much as I’d like to sometimes.
I’m sure you’re wondering what I went through when I was young because I keep referring to it and as much as I wanna talk about it I’m not ready. I’ve made a post once and saved it as a draft but deleted a day later… Something inside me keeps saying “girl you have got to talk about this, see how much talking about the illness has helped, surely talking about this will help as well”. Do I listen to my inner voice (which can be dumb sometimes) or keep blogging and taking it one day at a time? I think I’ll keep writing and taking it one day at a time, writing what my fingers are able to click on that day and letting tomorrow take care of itself…. For now I will tell you about the kleptomaniac in our mist.
Alright, we all know there are different types of people, some good, some bad and some floating in between. I have never been a fan of judging people and I try to keep my mouth shut most times (made a lot easier by the fact that I can’t talk anymore)… So I get hurt when someone purposely hurts me and does something I could never do to them, ever.
Today I was in my room as always minding my business, I was trying to come up with a secret language I could use to communicate with my nephew (This idea came from the wonderful Doraz who has an amazing blog Believe In Yourself, if you’ve never seen it you owe it to yourself to check her out trust me) I hope you're still willing to help D, I need ideas because I'm fresh out. Anyone else who has some easy and fun sign tips please tell me.
So there I was trying to create easy signs you can do with one hand because I can only use my right hand. My mother shouted she was leaving for work and I reach into this box where I keep my money. I wanted to give it to her so she can but a gift for Sbahle’s birthday. I had R630 in there which had been a “buy whatever you need” gift from Mom Ndu’s friend. I opened the box and to my horror I only had R30 left. Then I started thinking back, I remembered that I had last seen my money the previous day around 4pm just before the smoke drama (the house had started filing with smoke and gran could not see the source, she feared there was a fire somewhere). So whoever took my money took it during the fire drama when Gran asked Shivile to move me to his outside room while they tried to find the source of the smoke.
My heart just sank and mom tried to ask everyone who had been around at the time but we knew it was a waste of time and at the end we gave up… Here at Gran’s house money gets stolen a lot but it never stops being irritating.
(My Mr Man wasn’t even here and I couldn’t cry on his strong muscular ripped shoulder, ha ha ha. I’m kidding.) Hey a girl has to be a girl sometimes, lol.
I’m going back to my sleep now but I already feel a lot better than I did this morning, and writing really is great therapy…. Thanks for tolerating my rant.
Cheers and Stay Beautiful.
Categories: Family, Feeling Down, Random Thoughts
Post a Comment
- Oops, you forgot something.
29 Comments
Best regards
scentedpixels says...
Hello Silin,
Hope this will cheer you up. You can download it here:
http://www.4shared.com/file/171497706/88561d90/souldose.html
Cheer up, dear. We love to see you smile.
Hugs,
Jenny
It really made me happy thank You lots!
Roly says...
Hi Sindi,
I cannot say that I understand your illness anymore than I understand mine but there is one thing I can do and that is to pray. You will be in my prayers daily. Do you have anybody in your family that is drug dependent. It has been my experience that they are the first people to steal from their family to feed their habit
Thank You for the prayers, it's the best thing anyone can give.
About the money the boys here do drink now and then and smoke cigarettes but it couldn't have been them.
The case is still open, by detective me.
Cocorue says...
aww , that really sucks.......that person i'm referring to
rant all you want as i'm listening and i send you positive vibes and pray that you get better daily. will check up on you soon
chikisses to a beautiful soul
Tell me about it, wish I had some lie detector sense, lol
Angelia says...
Silindile,
Hi, thank you so much for your comment. My Dad passed away of a heart attack early Monday morning. I wrote a post called Timeless Soul on my blog http://youthinkyoucanblog.wordpress.com just beneath SITSmas. It was amazing therapy, similar to what you wrote here. This blog is wonderful and so brave of you to share your journey with others. Cyber support is incredibly touching. Thanks again, and that really stinks about the missing money!
Oh Lordy I read that post and it was beautiful, you captured a lifetime and you were so open and honest I loved it.
Yeah the money thing is a downer
Doraz says...
You have it started on the right track. It is a fun one! Fun is the key word. As long as you get smiles...that is great! Maybe you can play a game...like charades . He can pretend he is a famous actor!
I can just see him pretending to be Ben10 because that's all he talks about... But you're right, we should make sure fun is the ruling factor
Mel says...
Just checking in and checkin' up on ya.
:-) It's what I do sometimes. LOL
*hugs*
Thinking of you!!
I love your style, lol.
Sherri says...
Hello, Silindile. Thank you so much for the encouraging comment on my blog. You are a courageous soul, and I am praying for your recovery. Have your doctors ever considered a chemical sensitivity as the aggravation? I don't know what sort of household chemicals your family uses in everyday life, but it's worth looking into if you haven't already.
Good luck to you!
You welcome girl, love your blog.. Thanks for the tip but my family uses nothing, they steam the house and uses sunlight soap. They use their body lotions and perfumes outside because a little inhale causes much havoc.. They stopped using the chemicals in 2000 I think, I wasn't sick then but they started using the smelly stuff out of the house about two years ago I hear... As for me I use water and no fragrance soap.
Hope this will cheer you up. You can download it here:
http://www.4shared.com/file/171497706/88561d90/souldose.html
Cheer up, dear. We love to see you smile.
Hugs,
Jenny
I cannot say that I understand your illness anymore than I understand mine but there is one thing I can do and that is to pray. You will be in my prayers daily. Do you have anybody in your family that is drug dependent. It has been my experience that they are the first people to steal from their family to feed their habit
rant all you want as i'm listening and i send you positive vibes and pray that you get better daily. will check up on you soon
chikisses to a beautiful soul
Hi, thank you so much for your comment. My Dad passed away of a heart attack early Monday morning. I wrote a post called Timeless Soul on my blog http://youthinkyoucanblog.wordpress.com just beneath SITSmas. It was amazing therapy, similar to what you wrote here. This blog is wonderful and so brave of you to share your journey with others. Cyber support is incredibly touching. Thanks again, and that really stinks about the missing money!
:-) It's what I do sometimes. LOL
*hugs*
Thinking of you!!
Good luck to you!
Leslie White says...
I am going to have to get caught up, Silindile. You have visited my blog and commented and I didn't know you were here till then. Your name is beautiful. I don't know how you pronounce it in your language but it makes a magical sound like a song if I put a long e on the end and short vowel sounds for the three "i"s. I am sorry you struggle with a disability...........I can't tell when you write on my blog.
lesliepaints
Ha ha ha you're not the first one who has said something like that about my name. I don't know how to write pronouncictions but let me try... The first SI you say it like sea, LINDI you say it like that dance the lindy. Then the last LE you say it like eh let me think, you say it like lair, like the lion's lair. Except you don't highlight the air you say it softly... That's my name... In english it means WE'RE WAITING, guess my paren't were waiting for me.
Thank you, I'm dealing with the disability thing.
You couldn't tell from my writing, ha ha that's funny.
Thanks for stopping by!
lesliepaints
Mel says...
I can certainly understand the disappointment and the anger. I'm there with ya. It's good that you put it out here--for me, putting it in black and white is all a process for the 'letting go and moving on'. I get it out of my head and it somehow becomes more manageable and I'm able to move on to 'the next right thing'. I'm disappointed someone thought they needed the money so much that they had a right to take it. I hope eventually they're able to do what's right by you.
(((((( hugs ))))))))
Yaknow--when you're ready....when it's 'right' for you to deal in the black and white of your childhood traumas, then you'll be ready. Inching your way into it is okay. Putting it together and deciding today ain't the day....is okay. You'll get there when you get there. Just know that folk's will walk through it with you.
And dangit that there've been folks who've 'been there, done that' who can understand and support the healing, yaknow?
Easy does it--you're dancing as fast as you can today, yaknow?
Writing really heals the heart, I was so angry when I realized and even angrier because only two people could've taken it and they were denying, but as soon as I wrote about it I got it out my chest, it became the papers problem not mine, ha ha ha... Wouldn't life be easy if it worked like that? Wow!
Having someone like you, who has been through a somewhat similar experience and talking to you makes me feel so much better, I mean illness wise... Thank you for saying what you just said about the childhood thing, I needed to hear that. It took me till I was 15 to talk to my mother and I remember how good it felt afterwards. And I know talking about it here will make it lose all power it has had... One baby step and I will get there. Thank you love!
Categories
Recent Blog Entries
Newest Members
Awards From Friends
Thank You Coco
Thank you Doraz, Alina, Bliss bait, Jaymie and my girl Tasneem.
A thankful bow to Doraz,
This is an honor Jaymie, Thank you.
Thanks Yousei Hime, You Rock.
This is an honor Doraz, Merci
I'm humbled Jingle and Yousei Hime, you inspire me.
Gifts From Friends
Gift From Doraz, Thank You
Gift From ScentedSummer
Mercie Beaucoup
Birthday Gift/Post from Doraz
Thank You So Much
You're The Best
Webs Counter
Super Share
RSS & Feed Reader
