Soul Dose

This is my cozy little poetry corner, my favorite and fulfilling thing to do...... Most of my poems were written about and for specific people (As you will see the dedications) and others are based on my day to day life, the beauty there is and the sadness I face.. One thing is clear though, life happens right now and even though I'm in my bed I intend to live mine to the full.

I remember that little 14 year old girl,
she was looking at a guy a bit older than her,
when he looked up she'd look down,
being near him was a feeling she had never known before.

The next day she woke with a smile,
she knew her miserable past had just ended, \
She knew what she felt was bigger than the past,
It was powerful and overnight it silenced her 12 year long inner cry.

Young as she was she knew she had looked into the face of her future,
in a heartbeat, that guy has stolen the girl's heart.
In one short day, he had filled her with joy.
In a matter of hours, the girl was smitten.

As years went on the girl's love for him was challenged,
she was ridiculed, she was humiliated to the max,
and at one point she had to sit and listen to three girls telling
her he's no good, saying she just had a crush.
But the girl knew him, she’s the only one who truly knows him.
The girl went to her room, clutching her pillow she cried herself to sleep,
for she knew her heart was true.

Years kept going by and more disapproval followed,
the guy turned into a man her father respected and her mother admired.
He turned into a man her father quoted when he talked of inspiration.
He turned into a real man and still he owned her heart.

When she was ready for him and her to be a them the storm came along,
It came full force, so harsh, so bad and it hasn't given them a break.
It blew her dreams into pieces but surprisingly whenever she looked up he was there.
The storm though it’s standing in the way of true love it will never blow him too far.
For this is a real man, an honest man and only her eyes can see it clearly.
Only her heart knows what he‘s about and her soul believes the storm will pass
And true friendship and true love will merge into a lifetime of happiness.

When I look up and see the darkness,
My clouds are gone and shadows descend,
My road seem long, my direction unknown,
I will try to reach out for a hand to hold,
I need a friend to walk me to the light.

When my sorrow takes over my life,
I need someone to hold my hand.
When my pain surrounds my being,
I need a hug to soothe and care.
When all I see is darkness and blues,
I need you to show me goodness.

When tears come stains my coat,
A friendly touch is all I ask.
Look within and you will see,
The soul that cries for you to hold,
Look more closely and you will see,
I need a pat for my fragile heart.

Come a little closer and you will feel,
A heart that still beats more true each day,
Come offer me your shoulder,
Let me cry till my tears are no more,
Please offer me your love,
Let me heal in the presence of a true thing.

Looking behind me, there’s an empty space.
Looking before me, I see no joy.
My yesterday was filled with so much laughter,
My tomorrow is shadowed by so much sorrow,
There is no need to keep this space alight,
For my joy has said its final farewell today.

The light that shone right through my heart,
The heart that used to beat together with mine,
The smile that broke my walls of pain,
And tenderly took my heart for keeps.
The love that touched my soul within,
The strength that gave me half with love,
The man I loved with all my heart,
The love that shone each night and each day,
I love him, though I waited too long to wake up.

When I try to take a step forward,
The love I have for him won’t let me go.
When I try to spread my wings and fly,
The wind beneath me won’t keep me up.
I need my love, my partner, my friend,
I need my smile, my joy, my laughter.
I need him to come and take me in him,
I love this man, a thousand times than I did before.

He gave me his heart. I threw it back at him,
He took my hand in his. I drew it back into my chest.
He made me part of his future, but still I tore him down,
He gave me all his love, but I took it, looked at it and handed it back.

How could I be so blind, not seeing the good man I had?
How could I let him go, he is the best I ever had?
How could I be so cruel, breaking the purest of hearts?
How could I hurt myself, by hurting the one I love most.

Looking for the right words to say to him.
I find non within my heart.
Wanting to make him understand,
But again my words fail me.
I need my heart back, I need my friend back.
Tonight I will close my eyes and pray,
Pray for a chance to try one last time,
Pray for a chance to do it right
And be the woman this man deserves.
I truly love this man; my heart will always be his....!!!!

Stand on the highest mountain and shout,
Tell the whole world “he is mine”.
Use your voice to inform the masses,
I want it known all through the land.
Say it out, shout it out and scream it out.
Get this beautiful message through,
For my life is different now.

Write a letter and ties it on a dove,
Let it fly to the far away land.
Send it out with a message of love,
Do it the old school way.
Do not hesitate to jump up and shout,
Tell them I am happier today.

Stop that man on the street,
Tell him I have found my dream.
See those kids playing in the park?
Inform them that now I can finally smile.
Where is that town gossip today?
You have to let her in on this juicy scoop,
Surely she will pass on the news.

Tell your brothers, your sisters and your friends,
Make it clears they should pass it on.
Shout from this town to the next town,
From this city to that one, go further into the world.
Go to the newspapers and tell them to write in bold,
For this is a brand new day for me.

I am filled with so much joy,
I am finally at a happier place,
My world looks a little brighter,
My true self can finally come out,
And finally, my destiny can begin.

This world is filled with doubt.
Some things never last more than a night.
This world is filled with hesitation.
Some things bigger, some smaller but always limiting.
This world has no guarantees.
What was here today may be gone tomorrow.
The twists and turns make life unpredictable,
But you can trust on one thing today,
This heart only beats for you.

When all is said and done,
When you have lived and enjoyed life,
When your journey has taken you far and near,
The tears will dry in my arms.
When your heart has been broken in two,
When your scars are visible and deep,
I will kiss them one by one,
These arms are here only to hold you.

This world is filled with strangers,
Surely to remain so even after a lifetime,
Making it harder to get closer,
Daily growing more distant and dark,
The stares you may meet may be hallow,
The distance you may have travelled worthless,
When you have been above and beyond,
You can always come knock on my door.

Dedicated To: Msa

He said I was his angel,
Like a baby I believed him.
Put my trust in him,
Could not see the games he played.
He called me his window,
A window when the dark has filled his world.
He looked at me with unclear eyes,
Could not tell what was right or wrong.

He said I changed his life,
I made it a whole lot better.
He made me believe I was his soul mate,
But this man does not have a soul.
He was my world, my knight and my king,
I being his world was nothing but a dream.
I only wanted him to love me,
But he was busy loving others.

He took my ability to trust,
He played with my emotions.
I could have died in his place,
Now I know it would have been a waste.
Jealousy overtook my life,
I was fighting unending battles,
Hating myself but going back for more.

He called me his one and only,
Now I know what he meant.
Yes, I was his one and only fool,
A confused girl who loved too much,
A heart he easily broke.

When I tell you my world is full,
When I say I don't need another,
When I make believe I have all a girl needs,
When I make you feel like an intruder,
When my plate seems too full,
When I look at you like you're a stranger,
When it is too hard to hold on,
Know that my heart is never in it.

The world may scare me,
In retaliation I push you away.
My life is a roller coaster,
And I take it out on you.
You just take it all in,
No matter how far I push.
My own shadow sometimes blinds me,
Scares me into a corner of sorrow,
Yet you still keep holding on,
Making me come out of the dark,
Now I can see the warm light,
My heart is slowly healing.

When it all seems too much,
And you don't see the point anymore.
When you lose your way back to me,
That is when my heart breaks.
When all is said and done,
Learn to read between the lines.

All I ask is patience,
I know my heart can learn to trust.
All I ask is care,
I know my soul can learn to belong.
I only need your love,
It can help heal my heart.
So when I say be gone,
My heart is always saying stay,
When I scream at you,
It is only because of my own fears.
I ask you to stay with me tonight,
And make my heart your own.

Touching me here, it makes me weak.
Touching me there, it gives me shivers.
Tracing circles around my breast,
Fingers cascading down my spine,
A touch so gentle, still being so thorough.
It must be a touch of a lover, saying hello to my body.

His lips so soft against my own,
His tongue tastes like a lover’s should,
When he breathes on my skin, I feel my breath getting slower.
His lips are all over my body, gliding over my bosom.
His tongue so perfect, finding my hidden pleasures.
This must be my lover, come to explore his treasures.

He can lay his head between my breasts,
Put his hand across my open thighs,
Touch me where no one else has ever touched,
Put his lips on my secret places,
Let his tongue find my burning heaven,
Let his fingers keep the desire burning inside.
Be my gentle lover, this is his eternal garden.

He can lick my quivering self,
I am like an erupting volcano because of him.
I want to taste his sweet pure lips,
Let him discover the taste of my own.
Pick the ripe fruits of my never withering tree.
Drink from this sweet stream which always goes strong.
He has the smell that keeps me high with ecstasy.
This must be the feel of a lover, who has found his heaven.

Do not tell my eyes not to believe,
I will search high and low for eternity.
No stone will be left unturned; no corner unsearched.
No city will not be turned upside down,
Outside help will be requested from all willing.
Do not expect me to shut my eyes,
They still need to see me through the mirror,
Taking that first step with my head held high.

Do not convince my heart not to hope,
It will remain open; till my answer shows up glistening,
Daily I will light a candle in my heart,
I will place it on my window sill,
My candle will lead all the positive, rejecting all negatives,
And when my day comes, my heart will still be wide open.
For now, it is filled with hope and a bucket full of faith.

Do not ask me to give it up.
I still remember taking my last steps,
I still see myself falling on that pavement when I sleep.
But there’s another thing I remember,
Yes I remember my dreams and all my life plans,
I remember the girl that walked out the door that morning.
And when I fell on that pavement, that memory didn’t die.
That is why I can never, I will never give up on believing.

Let’s talk about the future, talk about the weather.
Let’s sing when the mood allows and sit outside when the sun sets.
Life is happening, come hold hands with me.
Let us look up at the stars and see the beauty,
Let’s look at the sea and see the power.
This is a world filled with wonder and miracles,
A world where one second can be so the different from the last,
A world and the miracles I still have faith in.

From most I’ve gotten hurtful comments,
“This is worse than death” some have said.
“You will never recover” others have remarked with concern.
I listen, at times I cry and some days I lose my hope.
But when I wake up the next day I look up to the heavens
Because I believe, I ain’t beaten yet.
Every morning I send my prayer to the man upstairs,
Because I believe, I have hope and will not give it up.

Take my hand, hold it tight
Pull me up and look at me.
Take my hand and let us start
Start our journey through this
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful world.

Take my hand, lead the way.
Be my partner, be my feet.
Take my hand and lead me away.
Lead me towards the bright lights
Of our wonderful future.

I cannot go there, but my heart is already there.
Though my feet cannot walk, I cannot stand up but
Ooh baby, just take it, take it, and take my hand.
Together we can go there,
With your help, the sky is the limit.

Be my feet, walk by me.
Pave the way and walk with me.
Be my feet and let us walk
Walk on, walk towards those glittering sights.
I wanna go there with you.

Be my guide, take my hand.
Be my rock, be my shelter.
Walk with me, walk by me.
Together, we can sail through the storm
Together, the sky is the limit.

Tell me what you're thinking,
What’s hidden deep inside your mind?
Tell me what's in your conscious,
I want to know your mind today.
Tell me what's in your heart
Why wait until you're old and gray?

Whisper softly to my heart today,
Open the gates to your mysterious soul
Tell me all you're thinking,
I shall not pay a penny for your thoughts,
Instead you will be rewarded with my all-time devotion.
Do not wait for tomorrow.

Share your thoughts with me today,
Open up your heart to mine.
I want to know your tale,
Tell me all the wonders hidden in truth.
The clock is ticking, swallowing our moment.

Tell me what you're thinking,
Judgment and pointing will not follow.
Make me your diary today,
You can write on me everyday.
Your secrets I shall keep,
Your sorrow I shall share,
Do not wait until you're old and gray.

A life so easily controlled,
He took my life and made it his.
A dream so cautiously taken over,
He changed it to look like it was his.
Daily molding me into what he wants,
He changed my face, my clothes, my being.
Making me an image of his dream,
This dream is so different from my own.

Days go by and I loose myself,
Weeks go by and my clothes look dull.
Months go by and he chooses my friends,
Years go by and without seeing my family.
Time flies and he succeeds,
He has made his dream woman
A woman who listens without questioning,
A lady so lost she never looks up,
The ground has become her daily friend,
For his eyes are filled with anger.

I am not me anymore,
I am an image of his dream,
Trapped in a body I hardly recognize,
I am looking for a way out,
A voice that will tell me it is OK,
I want to know I can be fine on my own.
He made me belong to him,
He made me depend on him,
My soul he took over,
My dream shattered into pieces,
I am a stranger in my own life.

Who said I needed to be put in my place?
Who gave him permission to destroy my being?
Did he ever really love me?
He could not have loved me,
Why change something you love?
Why ruin your own special diamond?
This man knows my weakness,
But he has not seen my strength.
He may have changed my being,
But a soul knows its true self.

I am trembling on my knees,
I am falling from my step,
Tripping from my own two feet,
I am all over the place.
Something must be wrong with me.
My words make no sense,
They are a string of unending speech,
I utter them every second but still,
Even I don’t know what they mean,
Something is different here.

Am I crazy, stupid or sprung?
I think I might need a doctor soon.
My head is spinning but there is no pain,
I feel like I’m chocking, the good way today.
Should I take a pill with water?
But I feel no pain whatsoever.
Should I go to bed early tonight?
But I will end up fantasizing all night.
I think I need to keep it together.

I am not sick, I have no stress,
It can’t be my head, but my tummy is flipping.
Every time I think of him,
My tummy does a twist.
I love this feeling, do not take it away.
Let it feel me up to the brink,
Let it consume me throughout my being,
This feeling is mine forever.

I have finally fallen hard,
Hit my head only to wake up and realize,
I am in love with the best man around,
Only he does not know its true,
He thinks it’s a passing stupid crush.
But I have fallen hard this time,
And I will not let this moment go by,
He is the lover I have been waiting for,
Damn girl you’ve got it bad.

Do not look into these eyes,
For they are a hallow place,
My soul is lost deep in the darkness,
My spirit is broken, shattered and cold,
My eyes are a window into my sorrow.

Do not try to get my attention,
My mind is already racing,
A million thoughts are troubling me,
Each one darker than the last,
Wave and say hello
Then slowly walk to the other direction.

Do not take this hand,
The prints are marks of what lies beneath,
The tips have scars only no one can see,
It has no life, alive as it may look,
Keep your distance from this hand, it has felt no pleasure.

Do not get close to this heart,
It is a lonely pathetic place,
The walls are black, painted by the hurt,
The depth goes on forever, for the place is empty,
Shy away from this heart, for it knows no joy.

Walk away from this girl,
Her soul is crushed, her skin is bruised,
She has no peace, only torment and pain,
She tries to reach out, but her hand can’t reach,
She tries to speak out but alas, her voice is gone.

Walk away from this girl,
She is living the only truth she knows,
Heartbreak and pain have always been with her,
Accustomed to a life so painful and cruel,
She knows no other way to live,
Her life is lived deep in the darkness,
Walk away from this girl,
Slowly take the opposite direction.

If I could just reach, I can feel it on my tips.
A little more to the left, a little higher than the last.
If I let my mind lead, my eyes keep searching.
I know there's a story behind these glazed eyes,
I know there's an answer hidden in the pages.

There's a longing in my soul, a hole I need to close.
So the reaching continues, the target is in sight.
I need to pull the trigger and aim, fire, hit.
I need to turn the pages and find my answers.

I have a dream, it's so simple and short.
To run with the winds and smile at the sunset.
To watch the tails to horses and feel the breeze on my cheeks.
I have a dream it's so simple and short.
To witness beauty and be part of it.
To live my life the way I live it in my heart.
To do all things and to see the world.

Bur right now I will keep reaching for that star up high.
For now I will keep stretching higher, the vision is clean.
The dream lives on, stronger and ever so simple.
The hearts beats on, though weaker but much believing.

Take my dreams higher,
Live my life stronger.
I will open the door wider,
I will fill my heart with love.
Run a bit further,
Shout a bit louder,
Jump a little higher,
My heart is filled with joy.

Take a step further,
Move a little quicker.
Rejoice a little deeper,
Today my pulse is strong.
Cry the tears of joy,
Laugh the laughter of truth.
Hold my head a little higher,
I finally know my soul.

Spread my wings and fly,
I can touch the sky today.
Raise my hands much straighter,
I want the world to see.
Stand on the High Mountain and shout,
Let everyone know that it is real.
My heart still beats powerful and true,
There is no fear,doubt or staying awake at night.

Woke up early this morning,
I threw away the covers an hour or maybe two earlier than usual.
Looked up higher this morning,
I lifted my head a little higher than I’ve looked before.
Felt my heart beating this morning,
I tried to count the beats but they were faster than yesterdays.
I woke up with love in my heart,   
The kind of love only found deep in ones own hearts.

I'm not going to wear my black and white dress,
I've got my sights on the little white one.
I'm not going to put on my shoes.
Feeling the sand between my toe,
Drinking the water from a clear blue stream,
Gotta run to that far away tree?
I wanna enjoy the loving shade it gives.
Today, I woke up with a song in my heart.

Woke up happy this morning,
I was happier than a kid in a candy store.
Yes I did, I sang that joyful song I used to like.
What has gotten into me?
I have a bouncy step, my smile ever so sincere.
Flowers smell so sweet, sun shines so bright.
Today, I woke up with love in my life.

Take one look at him, just one look is enough
He sneaks into your heart and makes you stop,
He breaks into your soul and makes you wonder,
Take one good look at him before he disappears into the dark,
Look at him, see him but you will never really know him.

The kind of man, who sees with clear eyes,
The kind of man, who knows the beauty,
The human better than the rest,
I only took one look at him but I saw a man,
A man like no other, the one who knows the truth

See him before he passes your view,
You will know you’ve seen an angel without a halo,
You will know you’ve been touched by the truth,
You will know you will never meet again,
See him before he vanishes, before the world turns cold.

Look at him, you will really know.
You will know you have been blessed,
An angel gazed upon your face,
For just a few seconds,
You saw yourself through a beautiful stranger’s eyes.

Daily you walk with me,
Taking every step I take.
If I put a foot forward,
Guaranteed you will follow my lead.
Sometimes you walk before me,
Others you walk behind me,
But you are daily by my side.

When I eat you eat,
You only gain weight if I gain a few pounds.
In the dark I cannot see you,
But I always know you are with me.
When all the others have gone away,
With me you always stay,
Daily showing me I am still alive.

When it is too hard to wake up in the morning,
And I pull the covers above my head,
You stay with me in the dark.
Talking to you is the best thing we have,
Because you never judge,
You do not talk back but I know,
You listen with a heart we both share in harmony.

Oh how I wish you could talk back sometimes,
And tell me the things I long to hear.
My shadow, my true companion!!!!!!

He knocked on my door but my house was a mess,
He took a step back and knocked again,
This time I tried to open but my hair was a mess.
He knocked louder but my key was lost.
I needed to clean my house and let him in.

He knocked on my door but I was not ready for him,
I needed to pick up the mess, clean my closet spotless.
He tried to look in but my clutter blocked his view.
He knocked ever so louder but my baggage clouded me.
I wanted to let him in but my heart was a mess.

One more knock echoed through my house,
I frantically looked for my keys,
The mess and dirt kept blocking my view but I was ready.
My visitor broke down my door
He had come in to make my house a home.

He wore a dark and dirty old jacket,

Worn out shoes that looked like wide open mouths,

Trousers that had been repaired and repaired,

It was done until it was no longer possible.

He had untidy hair that needed washing up,

His hair was dirtier than his clothes,

The smell could make a fly drop dead,

His hands were rough and black and bruised

All owed to the fires he makes to warm his body.

As he looked at me I tried to look away,

Classy passengers couldn't even stand his sight,

Just one look and a snare would follow,

Cursing, spitting and shouting followed him on every corner.

He asked for bread but all he got were stares,

"What am I gonna do?" I asked myself.

As I looked at him, he smiled at me.

His smile tore right into my cold hard heart,

I gave him all the money I could spare

But still I knew it was not enough.

That was when I realized that he was like me.

He was God's child just trying to keep going,

He was my brother, your brother, our brother,

This man was just looking for a place to call home.

Her name is mystery, her eyes are dark,

Her coat is long, her destiny unknown,

Her sorrow runs deep, her fears hidden,

This girl is a hero, yet no one can tell.

Her arms are inviting, her lips are sealed,

Her chest is warm, her legs are strong,

Her journey long, her path not clear,

This girl is a woman, slowly finding herself.

Who knows her struggle, no one sees her tears.

Who notices when her clouds turn the shade of gray?

Who picks up the pieces of her heart?

Who paves her way and clears the dirt?

No one can, no one sees her struggle because

This woman is strong; she can keep it all in.

Now her name is joy, her name is strength,

Now her skirt is shorter, her eyes shine bright,

Now her sorrow is gone, her future looks bright,

This girl is a hero, she’s done it again.

Traveling down a brand new road,

Seeing beautiful sights along my path,

Walking down a newly paved street,

Not feeling doubts of the safety it provides.

Walking with a new bounce in my step,

This road was made just for my feet.

Sometimes hard times come,

But the path I have taken is mine to walk.

Sure there may be floods along the way,

But as long as I'm sure my heart is true,

These storms shall not shake me from my step.

Bouncing down this beautiful road,

My heart knows this way.

I can be as happy as I want to be,

For all my happiness is in my hands.

If I let the beautiful sights along the way destruct me,

I surely shall loose my way.

I will keep putting one foot in front of the other,

My heart knows the way.

Slowly, steadily but surely,

I will finally touch the void.

Steadily it grows,
Beastly it grinds,
Busy all times
Taking it's times
To destroy my time
On this busy earth.

Silently it eats
Cowardly it steals
Cautiously it takes
Brutally it kills
It has silently, cowardly,
Cautiously and brutally
Killed all my hopes and dreams.

Agony, it’s all I have
Anger, is always in me.
Remorse, it’s so ever near me.
Plight, it’s all I have.
Oh, what has come to be my life,
I wish for no one else.

Agony, anger, remorse,
It has filled my heart.
It has bruised it
It has crushed it
It has left it in ashes.
Burning, crushing,
Tearing, hammering,
Drilling and finally
Destroying what's inside.